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Steve Webber

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FW:  May 2 2015

I was having an out-of-body experience so I grounded myself and got centered with the help of my spirit guide, then I almost astral traveled but the phone rang and I sensed the negative vibrations, so I checked my numerology chart and almost had a primal but my energy was blocked so I did some bio-energetics and self-parenting and had some flower essences with oat bran ginseng muffins, but my inner child wasn't being nurtured so I had some frozen yogurt that made me hyper, so I did the relaxation response while listening to my subliminal tape, but I was feeling depersonalized, so I did some polarity work, foot reflexology, a past life regression, rebirthed myself and made an appointment for a shiatsu, reiki, rolfing, Feldenkrais, Swedish, Japanese deep tissue massage, but I needed to energize my crystals and do some positive imagery because my visualization techniques and affirmations made my space feel invaded, so to get empowered I got a psychic reading around the issue of my assertiveness so I could feel my radiance and have energy for my psycho-calisthenics and my inversion swing before my harmonic brain wave synergy session which makes me more focused for my actualization seminar and holistic healing class and dream workshop, so I'm clear for my Gestalt/behavioral/cognitive/transpersonal/Reichian/Jungian/Freudian/Ericksonian session, but my aura is weak, for my channeling group so I'll fast until noon to recharge my chakras and I sense my intuition is high and my cycle is focused so I'll turn on my ion generator to open up for my neuro-linguistic programming, but I need to have my pyramid balanced before my guided synchronicity meditation so my cranio sacral therapy aligns me for the fire-walk after my tarot reading, but I need a meaningful relationship to mirror myself so I'll go to Intensive Whole Life Earth Rebirth Cosmic Expo Symposium Seminar Workshop to find someone who is REAL.


Steve Webber is a free-lance writer who lives in San Mateo, California.


Source: SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE, June 18, 1989; section: 'Sunday Punch'