Bill Maher's Closing Monologue a Few Nights Ago
Bill Maher
"Now it's time to do what you've always done best - lose interest and walk
away. Like you did with your military service and the oil company and the
baseball team. It's time. Time to move on and try the next fantasy job.
How about cowboy or space man? Now I know what you're saying - there's so
many other things that you as President could involve yourself in. Please
don't. I know, I know. There's a lot left to do. There's a war with
Venezuela. Eliminating the sales tax on yachts. Turning the space program
over to the church. And Social Security to Fannie Mae. Giving embryos the
vote.
"But, Sir, none of that is going to happen now. Why? Because you govern
like Billy Joel drives. You've performed so poorly I'm surprised that you
haven't given yourself a medal. You're a catastrophe that walks like a
man. Herbert Hoover was a shitty president, but even he never conceded an
entire city to rising water and snakes.
"On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies, the surplus, four
airliners, two trade centers, a piece of the Pentagon, and the City of New
Orleans. Maybe you're just not lucky. I'm not saying you don't love this
country. I'm just wondering how much worse it could be if you were on the
other side.
"So, yes, God does speak to you. What he is saying is, 'Take a hint.'"